Hello readers,

The first seeds of this series were planted when I witnessed the resilience of individuals in psychotherapy. Having practiced and observed experiential psychotherapy for thirty years, I’m excited to share simple and powerful ways to tap into your own deeper knowing, experiencing and living.

I’m sharing tips and stories of inspiration. The following example illustrates a way of being present with your uncomfortable feelings that allows them to shift. I’ll also share a practice that everyone can use to explore their own experience.

People struggle who’ve been told by their families or culture what they should feel and want. They learned to pay attention to others’ feelings, not their own. When I listen to individuals in psychotherapy and they become aware of more of their experience, they learn ways to tap into it  –  such as pausing, noticing inside, tuning into their bodily felt sensing and being open to what comes up there. Often new feelings open up and they connect with what they feel and want. People discover that they have more inner resources and inner authority than they ever realized. I want to share some stories of that inner richness that can be discovered.

The information is not meant to be a substitute for therapy. Instead of reporting a single person’s experience, I’ve created composites from various people. I hope that readers notice how this story points to ways to ‘be with’ their experience, ways that people can relate to themselves when faced with an impasse in their feelings and situations, and access their inner experiencing as a source of trusted information.

This story is from a woman who said she felt “unsettled” about moving back to her home state. Rather than discussing the familiar details of the situation, I invited her to sense the discomfort: “can you sense how ‘unsettled’ feels?” This is a step of allowing herself to be with her feelings. After a few moments she said, “I feel myself able to be there for myself. That’s changing the sensation. I feel that I’m supporting myself and I feel more ‘ok’ now to be in this situation, which just before felt very uncomfortable. When I was having a hard moment, when I was feeling something tense in my body, I was able to stop and do this for myself. You could say I had the capacity to be more compassionate to myself. That’s new. It feels powerful. When I am being friendly to myself, it changes the feeling.”

Now your exercise:

1. Pause, just take a moment.

2. Sense how you are right now. Often we don’t know how we are until we pause and sense inwardly. Not how you were yesterday, or an hour ago, but right now. Notice if there’s a place in you that feels tight, tense, worried, angry or anything else.

3. Give the feeling some patient attention. Take some time to be with the feeling. Show yourself some compassion and friendliness. See if that brings a shift in the feeling- even the beginning of a shift.

Psychologist Eugene Gendlin first developed Focusing as a method to teach and facilitate this experiencing process. Peter Gil, a student of Gendlin’s, wrote the following: “Beneath our reactive thoughts and conflicted feelings is a place of deep knowing and wisdom. You may have glimpsed this in intuitive moments or dreams, but did you know there was an everyday way to access this wisdom? Your body. This is your doorway.”

This short practice is only the beginning of what’s possible: Trust me, If you pay attention with empathy to your own inner experiencing, you’ll access a healing process. In the next post I’ll share more prompts and tips that help you access inner resources.

Marsha Smith

As a psychotherapist for 25 years, I support people to find solutions, make changes to deal well with life challenges and have more satisfaction in life. I offer empathic and practical approaches to help with a variety of psychological and social challenges, including relationship issues, anxiety, depression, parenting, work, grief, and coping well with health issues.  My collaborative approach helps people increase their ability to deal with stress and frustration with more calm and take the next steps to creatively solve problems. I offer individual therapy with adults, both in person and virtually, as well as training and consultation for practitioners. I am in network with BC/BS PPO and Medicare.

Credentials: LCSW

Email | 847.323.1717 | Website