When asked to write this blog entry I immediately said “yes” having no idea what I was getting myself into. I am not a Buddhist, but I attended Jetsün Khandro Rinpoche’s program because I wanted to learn more about the practice and what it means to be a Buddhist. During the weekend I struggled with finding a way to bring together the teachings or to summarize my experience in 700 words or less – until Sunday when the class ended and the taking of refuge and vows began. While watching the “refugees” publicly stating their motivation for wanting refuge and taking vows I realized what the weekend was truly about. One word, plain and simple: Courage.

Many of us live in fear every day of our lives. Fear of what others might think of us. Fear of making mistakes. Fear of people finding out who we really are. Fear of being judged and rejected. Fear of failure. And the list goes on. As Rinpoche said most of us probably won’t reach enlightenment in this lifetime, but doing the work to get there is courageous. Taking an unbiased look at how we behave and think can be scary at times, but it will yield useful information about the work we need to do to move forward. The Buddha, dharma, and sangha are the foundation upon which we, the mountain, rest and they help us to remain courageous no matter what storms and winds may blow. There have been projects that I have taken on that terrified me.   I am an introvert by nature, but my current job involves being the face of an organization with constant networking and outreach. The work has forced me to confront my need to be perfect by having me apologize for errors on a listserv of over 250 people and my need to be liked by having to openly disagree with partners on politically charged issues. Most recently, I worked on a project including four events for an underserved community for which I prepared as if they were the Super Bowl. No one from the community came to these events. Ouch. I essentially had to move my ego out of the way for this project to go where it needs to go and to contemplate, as Rinpoche suggested, what my hidden agenda was for having a successful project. This job has changed me in ways that I never could have anticipated and I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity. But I had to agree to make the job part of my journey and ignore my terror in order to find that.

Rinpoche laughed about the way we Western folk always have to get things done and how many of our lives are overscheduled. She suggested taking time each morning to prepare for the day. The thought of simplifying life and creating space for just “being” can also inspire terror. What would happen if there were nothing to do and nowhere to go? In a world where I define myself by my job, my hobbies, my missions, my “to-do “ lists, my fashion choices, and my many roles in relation to other people that is a very frightening idea. Would I be sucked into a black hole never to be seen again? There is only one way to find out. And so out comes the courage and I set aside time for meditation and reflection. Some days I slip into a meditative state easily and other days meditation is the last thing I want to do. I persevere and find myself able to pause when about to react to nasty emails or inconveniences that somehow pile up during an already stressful day. And sometimes that pause is enough for me to remember to be kind and compassionate toward myself and others. When those moments happen I take note and feel inspired to continue my work. Or speaking in terms of courage I continue to “take heart.” As Rinpoche said “we have the capacity to love – so why not?” I think what she also meant is that we have the courage to love unconditionally the life we’re given and wherever and to whomever that may lead us.

By Catherine McGlynn