…And Stay Connected to Your Calm and Competent Self

Saturdays, November 18 and December 2. 9:30am to 11:00am

Heartwood Center, Evanston

Contact Marsha Smith, smithhuemer@gmail.com. CEU’s for social workers and counselors! www.marshasmithcounseling.com

Join us to take a break and reconnect to a sense of your calm and competent self. We’ll help you  practice self care in stressful times; recharge, look inside, and get clear about how you really want your holidays to go. You’ll discover simple Mindfulness and Focusing ways to sense into what works for you.  

I am a therapist and mindfulness and focusing practitioner. One of the most frequent questions people ask me about self care is “what can I do when I’m emotionally overwhelmed?  If I’m getting tense and upset, how do I use mindfulness? Will a mindfulness approach help me to become calmer and respond more effectively?

When you’re feeling pressured, under stress or in demanding situations, as can happen during the holidays too, it can be harder to have a balanced, effective response as you normally would. When you’re feeling strong emotions, practicing simple mindfulness (and using your body) can bring you back to a sense of your calm self, help you get your bearings and navigate through the situation.

One woman’s story illustrates how mindfulness can help. She said typically when she felt tense, sad or angry, for example, she would worry that the feelings would take over. Her usual reaction was to distract herself from her feelings. Also, she’d label them; “isn’t  this “inappropriate” or “what if this is ‘depression’”.  She was judging and silencing herself.  But she hadn’t tried to listen to her feelings

After she learned mindfulness and focusing she said “now I’m pausing and listening to my feelings. There was one time after I’d been doing a lot for my family, I felt weary and wanted some time alone. Instead of judging myself, I paused and “sat with” my feelings,  They didn’t overwhelm me; actually something in me relaxed and I became clearer what I was feeling and needed to do.

Another time, when I felt angry at something my boss said, I paused and sensed the tightness in my chest, and sensed that the feeling had more to do with facing some decisions I had to make in my job and when I acknowledged that I felt relieved.”

1. The first step is to pause and notice with a friendly, caring attitude what is happening in you.
2. Use the language  “something in me is feeling…” to acknowledge the part of you that is so upset (or whatever word fits for you). Imagine yourself turning toward that hurt part inside you and being compassionate with it. You are shifting from being that upset part ( helpless, angry, heartbroken) to acknowledging and bringing a caring ( kind, curious, patient) calming presence toward yourself. When you do you will feel bigger than the problem or emotion, feel calmer and clearer.
3. This is different from thinking about our feelings, instead you’re getting out of your head and noticing your present experience and sensing what you feel.
4. In the next step, you can ask yourself what you need; let yourself pause to sense what you need and what would work for you to be okay in the situation.

There is so much healing self help in these simple moves.

In my classes and individual therapy, I offer approaches that help to enhance your coping with stress and anxiety and overwhelming emotions, to shift from a negative inner critic to a mindful focusing attitude, to find your sense of a calm and competent self, to get unstuck, release blocks  or to make difficult decisions.